i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
