So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
