All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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