I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
