We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
