I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
as a side note pls kill me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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