He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
