4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
