You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
