actually, I'm a sock model
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
