Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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