Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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