Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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