The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
