Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
