Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
