you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
