Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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