Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
