I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she pinky promised me she was 18
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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