you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
