I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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