just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
