They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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