bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
