This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Houston, we have a squirter
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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