My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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