Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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