I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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