Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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