Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
