i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He passed out mid-signature
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
