My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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