Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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