I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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