i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
