i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
