she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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