Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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