so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
