I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
