how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
