I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
