Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
