What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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