The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize