Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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