I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
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I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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