I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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