His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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