i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
