I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
