Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
