Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
