you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
