Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
