Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's shark week go big or go home
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
