Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
