My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
