Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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