apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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