Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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