I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How does one acquire holy water?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
