That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
