Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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