dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
