I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
