We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
