I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
