You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
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The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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