Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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