I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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