ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
