found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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