dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
