Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
