so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
