Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
