I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize