I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
my liver is dry heaving
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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