i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
