How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize