I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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