What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
