you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It's blow job season.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
