Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
